Avoiding Sleep for a Reason
by Ali.3Gsherlock
Summary: Written post-Apocalypse, no major spoilers (I don't THINK...). The mansion ticks over like usual, but Charles' mind never stops. Now, the nights are difficult, and that's even before he gets to sleep... Thankfully, he has a network of supporters, including one keen scientist. NO SEXUAL CONTENT.


Charles was sat in the library, with outstretched legs on the sofa, book in one hand and tumbler with only a dash of scotch left in the other. The words on the pages had long ago become blurs, the letters black splodges but enough to keep his attention. He worried about the school, about the students – as any decent headmaster should, Hank would remark – but it hardly made Charles' life any easier.

Using his finger as a bookmark, he closed the book slightly and took a moment to check the chatter from the bedrooms. He found nothing of note; the loudest sound was Hank who was running theories through his head fiddling with some gadget in the laboratory. It was then his temples began to throb, and he placed the tumbler onto the coffee table and rubbed the bridge of his nose in a feeble attempt to ease the pain.

"You okay?" The voice startled him, and he looked straight up at the door expecting someone to be there. Then he realised whose voice it was, and that she could be anywhere in the building.

"Jean, I'm fine. I didn't realise I was projecting, I'm sorry. Go to sleep."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"When will you go to bed?"

"Ha, soon, don't worry." He got the intense feeling she wasn't reassured by what he'd said, but received no further words in his mind. A sigh unexpectedly left his lips, and before he knew it his head was in his hands. She has a point, his own thoughts rung, and after taking much more effort than usual to get into his chair, he slowly trudged out of the library, hitting the lights off as he went.

* * *

Before retreating to his bedroom, he felt an intense need to check the hallways by the students' bedrooms to check they were all okay. He knew why; he'd always been the master at procrastination for things like this, personal matters, and what was better procrastination than rambling the halls of his mansion school?

He moved slowly in vain hope of creating as little noise as possible, and checked every room individually for dreams or steady breathing. As he made his way he grew increasingly exhausted, much to his surprise as he felt he could not feel any more tired than he did at the start.

By the time he reached his room he wasn't even sure that he'd be able to make the transfer into bed but he knew in the off chance someone came in to request his help it wouldn't be a great image to greet them if he was straining his neck in the chair. Trundling up to the bed, the fear of what might greet him as he fell asleep grew massively until by the time he got there his heart was thumping in the back of his throat.

Sighing openly again to try and release the anxiety, he just about managed to pull the covers back and shift over into bed, before slowly manoeuvring himself across to somewhere he would be comfortable. After a good fifteen minutes of staring up at the ceiling, he felt no longer able to keep his eyelids open and resigned himself to falling asleep, unsure of what demons would meet him there.

* * *

 _He was stood outside the mansion, looking_ _out towards the large green fields that coated the landscape out of the back of the grounds. A moment passed in complete silence, and he closed his eyes to embrace it. Unfortunately it lasted for only a second, because before he knew it Erik was there, and his whole body shivered. "Hello Charles."_

 _"Erik? What, what are you doing here?"_

 _"What do you think? I'm here for you."_

 _"Oh. Well, I suppose I had missed you."_

 _"NO." Erik boomed, and pushed Charles to the ground. Charles cried out as his back hit the ground, and found he could no longer move his legs. "I came here FOR you. To make you pay for what you've done."_

 _"Erik, please, I don't understand!"_

 _"Do NOT lie to me, coward! You ran away and hid in your pretty little mansion, so large that you got lost within it and within yourself, so that you wouldn't have to face the truth of what you did. Of everyone you hurt."_

 _"I really don't know what you mean-"_

 _"YOU SURRENDERED YOUR POWERS SO THAT YOU COULD NO LONGER FEEL PAIN! YOU LEFT US, IN THE DARK, in the COLD, SUFFERING WHILE YOU LIVED WITHOUT SACRIFICE!" Charles at this point had begun to try and crawl away on his back, pushing himself up and backwards with his hands as Erik slowly walked above him, glaring down with hatred and mistrust in his eyes._

 _"I'M SORRY! I'm so, so sorry, please just tell me how I can repair the damage Erik."_

 _He stood there, above Charles, his disgusted expression writhing into a crooked grin "You, can just stay exactly where you are." One of Erik's hands had moved to his pocket and he brought out what looked like a silver coin. Charles couldn't see the detail on the coin due to the shadow it cast but given it was Erik's coin he didn't need to to know what it looked like – the memory of that coin would be etched onto his memory for all eternity. As he began to shed tears, Charles cried out towards Erik, begging and pleading for him to stop until Erik opened his hand to show his palm and then it was too-_

* * *

His eyes flew open, and had he had the strength to rapidly sit up he would have done. Instinctively he clawed at his neck, breaths heavy and rapid, as he reassured himself that he was still alive. "Just a dream." he said, to no one in particular, and it was only then that he realised how quiet it was.

He looked at the clock and saw it was four o'clock in the morning. Five-or-so hours sleep was actually pretty good going for Charles at the moment, but he struggled further for a good half-an-hour, using the little energy he had to move himself (which was a slightly onerous process) as he writhed on the bed. After this time he sighed, deeply, openly and repeatedly, before deciding that he was unlikely to get any more sleep.

Instead he took his time getting dressed and then went out into the long rolling garden which had appeared in his dream to watch the sunrise. He looked around as he left the mansion, somehow expecting Erik to be there to play out the events of his dream, and he suddenly thought it might not be the best place to remain in order to maintain his sanity.

He began to ramble down the path in the garden and came to stop by the pond, just as the sun broke the horizon. Charles looked up at the orange-ing sky and inhaled deeply; he felt more at ease just being out here, listening to the birds and wildlife as the voices close by were still relatively quiet. Just as the sun glinted over the land and shone a warm glow over the grass Charles smiled, and as it hit him he closed his eyes and embraced the warmth.

* * *

All of a sudden, he heard a cry of "Charles? Charles, where are you? CHARLES?". He didn't initially respond to it, knowing exactly who it was and why he was shouting Charles' name –there would be no emergency, it was just him wanting to know where Charles was.

After a moment had passed, Charles turned his chair round and answered. "Hank? I'm here." Out of what seemed like nowhere, a head popped up from behind a small hill on the grounds, and the relief that could be seen over Hank's face was almost laughably obvious. "Where the hell have you been?" Hank called, and was met by a slightly delirious looking grin from Charles.

"I'm sorry, Hank, I had to get out. I had-"

"A nightmare?" Charles' expression morphed into shock, and was about to apologise but- "I guessed. It seems to come with the territory now." Relief flooded through the professor, and it was then he realised how tired he still was.

"I don't know what to do, Hank. I can't return to the drugs, and when I don't they're always there, even when I'm not focusing."

"You have to stay strong," Hank spoke softly, bending down until he was crouching and with a hand on Charles', a gesture of friendship, trust and care that Charles only expected from his scientific counterpart. He was very sensitive, after all. "This school, it's students, the whole world even, need the X-Men. But it's okay if you feel like you can't do it;" he added, not wanting to make it seem like Charles was doomed to a life of pain, "We - You, can run away from it if you want. But that pain, it... It makes us who we are. It brings people together, and helps us achieve the unthinkable. Like me and you setting up a school!" The two men chuckled in unison, Charles regaining some of his happy glow. "We are destined for this. But, you don't have to-"

"I get it, Hank."

"I was going to say do it on your own. I'm here, always. So is Scott, Jean, Kurt, Raven when she appears... Even Erik. We all care."

"That's... It's good to hear, Hank."

"... Now can we return to the school? It's not long before breakfast." Charles looked resigned, and Hank immediately chipped in "You can come help me in the laboratories, I could do with an extra pair of hands. Besides, you've got more experience with these suits than I do." Happy memories flooded back to Charles, and that glow on his face blossomed into a big smile.

"Absolutely." The two good friends ambled back into school together, hands still connected; while Charles wasn't get ready to let go, Hank understood as much as was possible without being Charles that sometimes you just need that push in the right direction.

* * *

Charles and Hank returned to the school and little more was said about their encounter. Instead, Charles scurried around the lab with a tray on his lap scooping up what Hank required and delivering it to him. Once classes began, the two professors taught their lessons as per usual, and it wasn't until later that evening when the whole event resurfaced.

Hank stumbled into the library to find Charles blearily staring out of the window with a tear in his eye. A pitiful look on his face, Hank went over to Charles, placed a hand on his shoulder to sooth him, and then escorted him to his room, where he instructed Charles to lie down, assisting him out of the chair.

He talked gently and with great care towards the professor, who was clearly dreading the hours to come. Hank picked up Charles' hand, "I will stay here for as long as you need me. Unless you'd rather have someone else be-"

"The fact that you're willing to be here is good enough for me, Hank." A quick squeeze from Charles' hand sealed the deal.

"Right, okay then." By the time Charles had begun to doze, Hank was already half-asleep after the hours that had passed, and Charles shook Hank upright before stating "I'm not letting you strain your neck. Come and lie down."

Hank was unsure, but seeing how much Charles needed this he lay down next to him and smiled sweetly. It was then Charles saw he had a true friend in Hank (yet again, he hastened to add) and Hank decided he could not leave Charles until he felt fully comfortable, no matter how many nights it took.

* * *

In the end, it took a week for Charles to be able to fall asleep without Hank in his bed, and after a month Hank would often check up on the professor to find him already asleep. _I'll be here for you, professor. Always,_ he thought in his mind, knowing Charles would be able to hear him and true to his word a small smile spread out on Charles' sleeping face.


End file.
